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The Awkward First Column

Every October, small groups of men gather together for an annual rite of passage that marks the end of summer and the beginning of nine or ten months of unrelenting darkness, punctuated only by the faint glow of the big screen TV and shouts of "he scooooorrrress". And every year, the occasional woman is granted access to the inner sanctum of this sacred ritual that is the hockey pool. Labeled "the chick", these courageous battlers valiantly take the struggle for equality to the deepest recesses of the male ego .... Ok - not quite. But let's face it, women in hockey pools are generally given the same welcome as Jane Fonda at a Vietnam Veterans reunion. 

So this column is for those women who, for better or worse, have been or will be labeled the "chick" in the hockey pool. As the weeks go by, this column will look at the world of fantasy hockey from a female perspective. Our first column will offer some general advice for people thinking about getting into a hockey pool, perhaps for the first time. Later columns will look at strategies for everything from simple office-type pools to more complex, continuing and rotisserie style leagues. And by the end of this series we will have leveled the playing field just a little in this petty little battle of the sexes and hopefully taught the men a thing or two along the way.

Before we start handing out advice, a word of warning - this column probably isn't for you if any of the following apply:

Okay, now on with the advice: the topic of the day is preparation… the most important thing you'll ever do before getting into a hockey pool. Even veteran poolies, the kind who tell you they're "just going to wing it on draft day" will actually have done hours of preparation (most of it in the bathroom, while emitting strange bodily odours). That said, preparation doesn't need to be done in the bathroom, and winning bears almost no relation to  smell; preparation can be done by browsing our site (mini-subscriptions are ideal for first-time poolies), or by buying (or borrowing) a hockey pool magazine - we're hoping you'll choose our site!

Before you start reading/browsing, find out what kind of pool you're getting into. Most office pools will be relatively straightforward. You'll likely pick a team of 10 to 16 players and at the end of the season the person with the most points (based on goals scored and assists gained) wins. If you're just picking any players then preparation can be pretty simple. The key: make a list of the players you think will score well this year. Look at last year's point totals and look at who's not going to be playing. Often players won't start the season because of contract problems, injuries and so on. A 100 point player will likely only get you 50 points if he plays half the year! (Relax, that's the only math in today's column).

Remember the more people in your pool, the slimmer the pickings will be in the late rounds… so make sure you have enough players on your list to get you all the way through the draft. Nothing will undermine people's confidence in you than asking to borrow lists/magazines/etc. during the draft. And make sure you keep track of the players you've chosen and the one's taken by other people. You'll still hear "Did somebody pick ______ yet?" or "No, I meant the other Greg Adams," at least fifty times during the draft… you just don't want to be the one saying it.

Even the most basic pools can throw you a curve if you don't do your homework before draft day. Most importantly, you need to know if you can pick any player or if there will be a set number of forwards and defensemen? If you're not just picking the top scorers then preparation is even more important. You'll need to make up two lists, top-scoring forwards and top-scoring defensemen. You're guaranteed to earn a one-way ticket to 'chickdom' if you have to keep asking "Is he a forward?" or the somewhat less obvious "Didn't he used to be a defenseman?" during the draft.

Now, you've got your list(s), you've probably figured out which players are going to be in high demand in the first few rounds, the last thing you need is confidence. Don't let the experienced poolies intimidate you. Remember last year one of them finished dead last! And just because someone shows up with 50 computerized, cross-referenced and indexed player sheets, and can talk forever about the relative merits of a player who gets a lot of short-handed assists, doesn't mean they're automatically going to win: it just means that they have no life!!!

Next week, we'll consider draft strategies for the types of pools we've been looking at today, as well as the other common types of office pools. A list is a good starting point, but how do you actually win?

Dedication: This column is dedicated to all those guys who haven't treated me like a "chick in the pool" over the last fifteen years.

Tracey J. Kinney is a writer and part time academic, as well as a full time fantasy hockey participant. After six years of trying, she finally claimed her first fantasy hockey league title last year - narrowly!